Loving A Man Who Is Nothing Like Me

“They didn’t agree on much, in fact they didn’t agree on anything. They fought all the time and challenged each other every day. But despite all their differences, they had one important thing in common…they were crazy about each other.” -The Notebook

I love the Notebook, book and movie, for so many reasons but one main reason that it sticks with me is because it is an almost perfect representation of mine and Matt’s relationship.

Matt and I are not from “different worlds” as some people say, but we are different people in the sense that we like different things, a majority of the time. He’s outdoors, hiking, gardening, jazz music, old school country music, guitarist, and drawing. I’m indoors, watching sports, country music, crocheting, and reading as far as interest goes. And some times he wants to do things that I could care nothing about and other times I want to do things that he cares nothing about. But since we love each other it works.

For example; a few weeks ago some of our friends invited us to Max Patch for a hike and a day out in nature. Nature really isn’t my thing, I’m out of shape due to bad knees, I loathe bugs and hate to be hot. But I knew Matt wanted to go and it was supposed to be a nice day so we went. We went because you make small sacrifices for the ones you love and even though I wasn’t interested in it at the beginning of it all by the time we made it to the top and saw the view I was breathless at God’s beauty and glad that I chose to go and I knew that it made Matt happy to spend the afternoon in the outdoors, plus it didn’t hurt that we got to spend the afternoon with some great friends.

But there’s also things that he does for me that he’s not entirely in to. Like football and basketball. My nephew plays football and Matt loves going and watching him because it’s live action, we’re in the stands, cheering and it’s just fun. But Matt isn’t a big fan of watching sports on television, however, come NFL season & college basketball season he sacrifices time he’d rather be doing something else to watch the games I want to watch with me, granted he plays games on his phone or tablet while doing it but at least he’s sitting there with me and not complaining.

He goes shopping for clothes and shoes with me and I go into stores like REI and Workshop Tools for him. It’s who we are, it’s what we do. If we were the same on everything I feel like our relationship would get really boring and end up failing.

We agree on the important things like our Faith, our relationship with Jesus Christ is and always will be #1, our relationship is ours (no one else’s), we’re not voting for Trump or Hillary (lol, had to throw a funny in there, but no seriously we’re not voting for either one of them), saving money is important to us, when we say our vows we are married til the end-regardless of what might come our way we’ll fight through it together, and honesty and loyalty are 2 of the most important things.

And to me, that is what matters. I could care less if he liked every single movie or every single sports team that I like. And he could care less if I liked to camp or hike. The thing that matters is I know he’s gonna sit beside me on the couch and watch football or whatever chick flick I pick out and we’re going to spend time together, and he knows that if he wanted to go hiking or camping, I’d go. We have these discussions and we’re in the know about each other’s feelings on certain topics. And that’s all the matters. It doesn’t matter if an outsider says, “Well you two couldn’t be more opposite.” or, “Well how can you do anything when you two don’t like the same things.”

Yes we’re opposites but we agree that we wouldn’t want to be with anyone else and we’ve prayed about God’s will for us and that’s what really matters. The saying “Opposites Attract” could not be more true when it comes to our relationship. But Matt is my person, he’s the one that I can count on no matter what. Whether it be to listen, hold me when I cry or talk through some things and I’m that for him and that is what matters. Some times in a relationship when 2 people are the same there’s too much of the same emotions and it gets dull or there’s no communication. I get that when Matt is upset, he doesn’t like to talk about it and he’s not much of a crier, I know to just give him time and space. When I’m upset, I cry, he gets that and comforts me. Sometimes he wants to sit and do nothing but play on our tablets or phones, some times he wants to go outside and work in the garden or a hike, I’m ok with that. Some times I want to watch chick flicks and crochet, he gets it and will sit there and watch me crochet and completely ignore the movie, it’s one of my favorite things to do.

Regardless of how it looks to someone who is on the outside looking in, our love is real to each other. We give each other exactly what one another needs and THAT is what is important and THAT is why it is easy to love Matt even though on a majority he’s nothing like me.

“We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day.” -The Notebook

No. Don’t. Stop.

nomore

Logo from the “NO MORE” online campaign. Read more about it at nomore.org

“Unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus or mouth of another person with or without force, by a sex organ, other body part or foreign object, without the consent of the victim.” (www.dictionary.com)

There’s been a lot of talk in the media this week about the rape case at Standford involving Brock Turner and his victim and his sentencing of 6 months in prison when facing a max of 14 years. So I decided to blog about my feelings towards this case, my feelings towards the subject rape and facts.

Fact: According to the Department of Justice 300,000 is the # of women raped every year.

Fact : According to the CDC 1.3 million is the # of women raped every year.

Fact: Percentage of rapes NOT reported: 54%….THAT’S OVER HALF!

Reasons for not reporting assault vary among the individual but one study identified the following as common reasons:

  • Self blame or guilt
  • Shame, embarrassment or desire to keep it private
  • Humiliations or fear of the perpetrator or other individual’s perceptions
  • Fear of not being believed or of being accused of playing a role in the crime
  • Lack of trust in the criminal justice system

All of those reasons, sadly, make sense to me. Because I’ve heard so many times people referencing what the girl was wearing or if she was drinking or not. IT DOESN’T MATTER! There’s been cases where the girl wasn’t dressed revealing and sober and she was still raped so her clothing and alcohol level are irrelevant. And lack of trust in the criminal justice system is understandable when you have a case like the Stanford case…2 eye witnesses but they still tried to put blame on the victim because she was drunk. Ok so what? She was drunk, did she ask for it? Was it consented? No. So therefore it is rape and that’s a crime. I don’t care how great of a student he was or what an awesome athlete he was. He committed a crime and should be punished. 6 months? With the chance of getting out in 3 months if well-behaved, are you kidding me? This guy STOLE this girl’s peace of mind and physically violated her and that is her justice!??

Not only did this woman have to endure the reality of being attacked but she had to reopen the wounds in court and listen to him and his disgusting accusation that she “wanted it” and “liked it”. And if that wasn’t bad enough there was letter from his father saying that his son had already been punished enough for “20 minutes of action” because he was stripped of titles, degrees and enrollment. Selfishly forgetting that she, the victim, has been suffering inside. She stated that he took away her worth, privacy, energy, time, safety, intimacy, confidence and her voice. THAT IS WHAT SHE’S BEEN DEALING WITH AND THE COURT BACKS HER BY GIVING HER ATTACKER A SLAP ON THE WRIST SENTENCE!? How can you call that justice!? It’s not justice! It’s sickening! And it’s because of cases like this, cases where there are WITNESSES but the attacker still gets a soft sentence, that girls/boys never report rape when it happens to them. Because they feel that they’d be better off brushing it under the rug and forgetting about it the best they can rather than going to the police and having to relive it over and over again only to have their attackers lawyer place blame on them somehow and then the justice system ends up failing them anyways. The judge in this case stated that a more lengthy sentence could have a severe impact on him. Well, GOOD! He needs a severe awakening! An awakening that what he did was wrong and he should have to face those consequences. Now, with all this, what happens if he rapes again? Do you think that his next victim would come forward after recalling how this went? No. Why would she? Only to possibly be called a liar and possibly witness him get off with another soft sentence.

I do not care what the situation is rape is NEVER the victims fault, no matter what! Here’s a story to follow-up with the “it wouldn’t matter what the victim was wearing, rape would still happen” scenario….young lady gets off work, her work uniform consists of dress pants, long sleeve button up blouse and an accent scarf. She goes into the store after her shift, buys what she needs and goes back out to her car. As she opens her car door the attacker comes from behind and shoves her into her car and begins to pull her pants down. Of course he can because he has one hand behind her back and the other one is pinned underneath her and he over powers her. She cries for him to STOP he tells her to shut up or he’ll kill her. He continues with his act and exits the car. By the time the girl gets turned around he’s nowhere to be seen…so tell me, how was that attack her fault? She wasn’t dressed revealing, she wasn’t intoxicated how did she ASK FOR IT? I know that girl and she did NOT want it, she didn’t enjoy it and that girl suffered for YEARS because of what he did to her! Went through life constantly looking over her shoulder, having panic attacks in public places, constantly wondering if the next guy was her attacker, nightmares, and a pregnancy scare.

A lot of people have the opinion that rape is a “soft crime” because sex is natural. They are half right. Sex is natural, but that doesn’t mean that men/ women should be able to forcefully take it from whoever/whenever they want. It’s not right! And for the justice system to treat it softly is no different than treating murder softly. Because when you rape someone you take away their peace, you’ve given them a fear. Rape is NOT a soft crime.

The girl in the previous story was too scared to go to the cops, she just wanted it to go away. When she finally did talk to someone it was too late and there was little evidence to begin with. Statistics show that the #1 reason women/men don’t report rape is fear. Fear that they won’t be believed. It’s time we stop silencing victims of rape. There’s no shame in it, it wasn’t your fault and unless you had a weapon or something there was probably nothing you could do to prevent it. But NO ONE has the right to place blame on the victim for being raped. It’s disgusting and not right.

NoMore300x250_MARISKA

GIVE VICTIMS A VOICE…YOUR VOICE…

http://nomore.org/takethepledge/